Autofillia

Okay, I admit it. I’m one of those texters who type with one finger. While my daughter thumbs her way across the phone, going so fast it emits a kind of buzz, I think and worry and poke.   

Just one thing saves me: autofill.

In case you don’t understand, I’ll explain. I open a new text and type a word. Immediately the great god Algorithm provides three new words that might come next. Amazingly, the suggestions often include the very thing I was searching for. And so I peck my way along, rarely having to spell out an entire word.  

Recently I wondered: Where do the suggestions come from? Is there a master sentence somewhere in the ether, against which my words are measured and shaped? If so, what is it?

So I tried an experiment. I typed a random word, then followed the string of suggestions to see where it would lead.   

Sentences emerged. I call them autofillia.   

Whatever you do don’t let the dogs out. They are going through the house now and I don’t want to leave them.

What the...

This is what you need for your next project. You can also make your project more complicated than it looks.   

This at least sounds organized, though nonsensical. Kind of like some meetings I’ve been to. So I start the next sentence with a more unusual word to spice things up.

Clowns are so annoying and they don’t understand the importance of being in control.   

Hm. Spice at the beginning; by the end, utterly bland.

Then it hits me: I’m being homogenized by my phone. My dogs are shut inside. My projects have bogged down. My clowns have lost control.   

I challenge you to try it. I hope you have an excellent day and a great night at school today and I love that you’re doing this.

That’s right. Autofillia.